1. Team sports involve co-operation with other people
2. Our hands had too few calluses
3. We wanted a place to show off our wheelies
4. We wanted to get our money’s worth from the NHS
5. It makes living in a van cool, not weird
6. Sweet mountain Instagrams
7. Dressing like stormtroopers makes us feel tough
8. We wanted to speak like they do in Canada
9. There’s not enough snow to ski in the UK
10. We wanted to smell like sweat and rubber constantly
11. We can pass riding down hills off as exercise
12. We thought it would impress the opposite sex (results have been mixed)
13. We bloody love trees
14. We’re fed up of having two intact collar bones
15. Uplifts are great place to meet new people
16. How else could our dogs be called trail dogs?
17. Pedal strikes are D.I.Y acupuncture
18. We’re too lazy to road bike
19. We enjoy telling people to “lean back” and “just go for it”
20. We wanted to go to cold mountain tops in hot summer months
21. Arm pump fulfils our innate masochism
22. Our car footwells were too clean
23. We wanted to show our friends Rampage videos and say “yeah, it’s a bit like that”
24. We want sexy calves
25. We’re too cool to ride scooters
26. This way we can get a sprocket tattoo and it won’t be weird
27. We love being asked “so, is it motor biking?”
28. We’re too scared of falling on concrete to ride BMX
29. We don’t meet enough lawyers/dentists/accountants in our day-to-day life
30. We needed an excuse to eat burgers and cake
31. We didn’t know you could get a train to the top of Snowdon
32. We wanted an excuse to get geeky about soil
33. To ensure there are year-round jobs for lift workers in the Alps
34. We played Downhill Domination as a kid and thought, “why not?”
35. Our finger nails constantly needed a crust of grime underneath them
36. We couldn’t afford GoApe every time we go to a forest
37. Hiking up mountains was too easy without pushing a 40lb bike
38. Saying “he’s got eight inches in the rear” is funny.
39. Gyms are boring and expensive
40. Secretly think we’d be pretty good enduro racers if we bothered to put the fitness work in
41. Setting up tubeless or internal cable routing is like solving a fun puzzle
42. It’s better than watching Corrie
43. We never really grew up
44. What else is there to do in Wales?
45. There’s something appealing about watching screaming Swiss men
46. We wanted a wardrobe full of plaid shirts
47. We saw some videos from Whistler and thought it looked easy
48. We love entrusting our lives to carbon triangles
49. We had too much free space in the garage
50. We wanted to buy a toy that’s more expensive than our cars
51. Cycling on tarmac with a destination in mind seemed too sensible
52. We wanted to own the world’s worst smelling pair of gloves
53. We always got picked last for football
54. We wanted to wear baggy shorts like Fred Durst
55. Liked cycling, hated shaving legs
56. Shouting “do a whip” never gets old
57. It could be a useful skill in a zombie apocalypse
58. We enjoy meaningless debates about wheelsize/ebikes on forums
59. We have a deep seated need to use the word “gnarly” at least once a day
60. We love being humiliated by 14 year olds who are both faster and braver than us
61. We wanted something to clean that wasn’t a kitchen or bathroom
62. We like bouncing up and down in car parks
63. The idea of an hour of suffering for five minutes of pleasure seemed justifiable
64. We enjoy laughing at people in Lycra while simultaneously wearing Lycra under baggy shorts.
65. We want to travel to places with no culture, infrastructure or amenities
66. Skids aren’t just for kids
67. We need to populate our personal YouTube channels with mediocre GoPro footage
68. Because carbon is sexy
69. We want to star in the next New World Disorder film

And the real reason:

70. It’s bloody fun