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13 things you know if you’ve dated a mountain biker

We can be an acquired taste

Sure, we’d rather be spending all our time out on the trails but we suppose there’s time in our life for some dating too.

So, to the lucky few who manage to score a date with a hot mountain biker here’s a list of things you should know you’re letting yourself in for:

1. There will be bike bits everywhere


If you’re dating a mountain biker then the bike parts come as part of the deal. Sorry that’s just the way it is. You should also know that they will be staying inside the house (or the garage at a very big compromise)

2. You will give up asking why one bike isn’t enough


There’s only so many times you can take a withering look and a dismissive shake of the head.

3. They will force you to try it


“Come on, it’ll be great!” Prepare for a four hour trudge through the mud in the rain. Be aware that they will worry about the bike more than you if you crash.

4. You’ll be watching a lot more mountain bike films than boxsets

Not Bad and chill anyone?

5. Their car/van will smell horrible


Unless you want to turn up to that fancy restaurant smelling of sweaty kneepads, wet shoes and oil then you should probably take a taxi.

6. Fifty per cent of their pay cheque will be spent on bike bits

Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

7. You will not see them in summer


Between evening rides, big weekend days out and that holiday to the Alps you probably won’t be seeing much of your partner in the summer. Just hope you don’t get one that likes night riding in the winter too.

8. Holidays will involve at least one mandatory day of riding

What’s the point in going abroad if you can’t sample the trails?

9. You’ll have to pick them up from hospital at some point


At least they’ll have some gnarly scars to show off

10. They will make you watch their GoPro footage

And they will expect you to tell them how “gnarly” and “steezy” they looked too.

11. If you want a dog it will have to be a trail dog


Chihuahuas need not apply

12. Your floors will be covered in dried mud

Trust us, it gets everywhere

13. They’ll be a keeper


Fit, healthy, funny, attractive, great drinkers, sociable, fashionable. Despite all their flaws, there’s lots to love about mountain bikers.

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