Planes, Trains, and insane. - Dirt

Mountain Biking Magazine



Planes, Trains, and driving……………me insane.

Planes, Trains, and driving……………me insane.

What is your least favourite part about travelling? I just made the trek across Canada from Whistler BC to Muskoka Ontario. Whistler, Squamish and even Vancouver were getting HAMMERED with snow. Thoughts of missing my flight the next morning danced through my head. I snaked my way through the panicked mob waiting for what was rumoured to be the last bus to Vancouver. Sitting on the bus with an empty seat beside me I prayed that I wouldn’t get stuck sitting beside one of the many soaked, wet dog-smelling day skiers that anxiously waited to board. Shooting daggers from my eyes worked for a while until all the seats behind me filled up. It was then that I looked up at a leviathan of a man. He was like the Kool-Aid guy with a black parka and like coloured moustache. Forced to sit at a 45 degree angle in my seat, I realized that his Kool-Aid-guy-in-training-son was in the seat in front of me. I did the right thing and swapped seats so they could sit together. This proved to be a good move as my 111km trip took 7 hours.
This isn’t my least favourite part about travelling.

After a 4 hour sleep on a friend’s floor, I woke up and took a cab then another bus to the airport. Parking myself at the end of a monster line up, I looked up at the Arrivals/Departures board to realize my flight had been cancelled. Awesome. While standing in line, I saw people getting into smaller lines that I wasn’t invited to. Why wasn’t I invited? When will I be cool enough? Ever? After half an hour or so in the loser line up, the nice lady at the check in counter told me I could get on another flight with a stopover in Calgary that would put me in Toronto five and a half hours later than planned. This isn’t my least favourite part about travelling.

Hours later on our approach into Toronto I thought about what I still had to go through before I was home safely. Another 4 hour sleep on a couch — I could handle that. An early morning 3 hour train ride — I could handle that. A half hour drive home after the train — I could handle that. My least favourite part about travelling was coming very soon.

This is my least favourite part about travelling. It’s usually only a 5 minute ordeal but it drives me insane. When the plane finally comes to a stop I’m up before the seatbelt sign goes off. I grab my bag which may have shifted during flight, from the overhead compartment, and put on my coat. Why do I do this? I’m in seat 19D and there’s 7234752034 people in front of me. I watch in horror as they flood the isles. Old people fudder around at glacial speeds trying to remember where their bags are? Where they are? Who they are? Obese people slow- motion- pinball off of everything in the cramped space, and mothers try to organize their children and themselves simultaneously. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Inside my blood is boiling. Outside I’m sweating. I tap my foot impatiently. Can I run across the tops of the seats? No. Can I exit at the back of the plane? Never. I pray for go-go gadget chainsaw arms that never sprout, to mow down the zombie crowd. I’m trapped. To fuel my rage-fire the captain blasts thro
ugh the overhead speakers; ” Sorry folks, but the ground crew isn’t quite ready, it’s going to be a few more minutes.” Part of my soul dies inside.

Happy holidays and happy travels.


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