11 reasons why mountain bikers are the pinnacle of evolution
We're simply the best
You know what? We mountain bikers are all pretty great. Not only are we devilishly good looking but we also take part in the greatest sport in the world.
Here are 11 reasons why mountain bikers are the best human beings:
We can fix our own problems
In the modern age people are always looking elsewhere for the solutions to their problems be that self-help books, no-win-no-fee lawyers or even Donald Trump.
Not mountain bikers though. When something goes wrong on our bike there’s only one person that’s fixing it – us. With just a multi-tool there’s not much you can’t fix, or at least bodge, to get you home in one piece.
We notice all the small details
Nothing will annoy a mountain biker than someone messing with their set up. If your tyres feel too hard or your bars too far forward you simply won’t be able to ride the same.
This is clearly proof that mountain bikers' senses have evolved to be more in tune than other human beings.
We are passionate
We have great bodies
In the age of enduro it’s no longer possible for spare-tyre-Simon to turn up to a trail centre on a downhill bike bike and just pootle around at his own pace. Now everybody’s a racer with Strava segments to claim.
Thanks to this, the typical mountain biker is a lean specimen with a solid core for bike handling and piston-esque thighs that bulge through our baggy shorts - it’s just a shame about the goggle tan lines!
We look after the environment
It’s common knowledge that all cyclists are environmental heroes, after all we don’t pump out choking fumes like motorists, but mountain bikers go one step further and are great for the countryside too.
Our trails are built sustainably, we bolster the economies of rural communities and research suggests that mountain bikers cause far less erosion than walkers - don’t even get us started on horses!
We feel no pain
Well, not any that we’d admit to anyway…
We have great skin
We love to travel
Travelling allows you to widen your horizons, experience different cultures and, of course, shred new trails.
As films like Where the Trail Ends show, mountain bikers are willing to travel to the ends of the Earth to find some prime trails to sample, making them better people as a result.
We always commit 100 per cent
If you ride half-arsed you’ll go down faster than the Hindenberg. Instead mountain biking quickly teaches you to commit to an obstacle and hold on until the very end. A bit of belief can go a long way in life and nobody knows that better than mountain bikers
Riding on your own is better than nothing but the real fun starts when you get a group of friends together for a skid session in the woods.
You’ll never meet a more chatty bunch of people than mountain bikers down the pub after a ride. We love to chew the cud on our riding adventures, show off our scars and tell our war stories – even if sometimes they’re not exactly accurate.
We have great taste
Well, we do all like riding push bikes in the woods.