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11 reasons why mountain bikers are the pinnacle of evolution

We're simply the best

You know what? We mountain bikers are all pretty great. Not only are we devilishly good looking but we also take part in the greatest sport in the world.

People may look up to the likes of Peaty and Rachel Atherton for inspiration but, to be honest, we’re all legends in our own right every time we wheel our bikes out of the shed.

Here are 11 reasons why mountain bikers are the best human beings:

We can fix our own problems

In the modern age people are always looking elsewhere for the solutions to their problems be that self-help books, no-win-no-fee lawyers or even Donald Trump.

Not mountain bikers though. When something goes wrong on our bike there’s only one person that’s fixing it – us. With just a multi-tool there’s not much you can’t fix, or at least bodge, to get you home in one piece.

We notice all the small details

Nothing will annoy a mountain biker than someone messing with their set up. If your tyres feel too hard or your bars too far forward you simply won’t be able to ride the same.

This is clearly proof that mountain bikers’ senses have evolved to be more in tune than other human beings.

We are passionate

There’s not many people in the world that could get quite as heated as mountain bikers do over wheel sizes or e-bikes. When we sense an injustice is being done we take to our keyboards with gusto and refuse to let anybody on the internet escape without reading our caps-locked opinion.

We have great bodies

Josh ‘Babemagnet’ Bryceland

In the age of enduro it’s no longer possible for spare-tyre-Simon to turn up to a trail centre on a downhill bike bike and just pootle around at his own pace. Now everybody’s a racer with Strava segments to claim.

Thanks to this, the typical mountain biker is a lean specimen with a solid core for bike handling and piston-esque thighs that bulge through our baggy shorts – it’s just a shame about the goggle tan lines!

We look after the environment

It’s common knowledge that all cyclists are environmental heroes, after all we don’t pump out choking fumes like motorists, but mountain bikers go one step further and are great for the countryside too.

Our trails are built sustainably, we bolster the economies of rural communities and research suggests that mountain bikers cause far less erosion than walkers – don’t even get us started on horses!

We feel no pain

Well, not any that we’d admit to anyway…

We have great skin

People will pay thousands of pounds and travel across continents for a mud bath for their skin. Little do they know they can get all the exfoliation they need from their local mountain bike trails – unfortunately sometimes it’s not just mud that you end up rolling around in…

We love to travel

Travelling allows you to widen your horizons, experience different cultures and, of course, shred new trails.

As films like Where the Trail Ends show, mountain bikers are willing to travel to the ends of the Earth to find some prime trails to sample, making them better people as a result.

We always commit 100 per cent

If you ride half-arsed you’ll go down faster than the Hindenberg. Instead mountain biking quickly teaches you to commit to an obstacle and hold on until the very end. A bit of belief can go a long way in life and nobody knows that better than mountain bikers

We’re sociable

Riding on your own is better than nothing but the real fun starts when you get a group of friends together for a skid session in the woods.

You’ll never meet a more chatty bunch of people than mountain bikers down the pub after a ride. We love to chew the cud on our riding adventures, show off our scars and tell our war stories – even if sometimes they’re not exactly accurate.

We have great taste

Well, we do all like riding push bikes in the woods.

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