Competition: Win a Wigwam Holiday at Glentress - We Have a Winner!

Cheers for all your jokes, some definitely made us laugh more than others, and some weren’t quite so funny after the fifth time. Do you guys not bother reading what others have posted? Anyway, Brian Johnston made us chuckle the most with the joke below, so congratulations to him and I hope he enjoys his prize!

There is an apocryphal camping shop in the UK that ran a promotion during the low season whose strapline was…

…wait for it

…“Now is the winter of our discount tent”

You can’t get cheaper holiday accommodation than free, but even if you don’t win this competition these wooden wigwam things are a great cheap base for biking adventures.

As you can see below these wigwams probably aren’t anything like the kind of wigwams you were thinking of.

Accommodation might be on the basic side but it’s warm and comfy, and crucially it’s also bike friendly. This particular site at Glentress has bike washing facilities, secure bike storage, laundry room, and you’ve got the amazing Glentress trails right on your doorstep. The DH trails at Innerleithen are also only four miles down the road.

What more do you need? Somewhere to fix your bike and a BBQ, sorted. Oh, and as for a bed this is what you can expect…

It might not be the Hilton but it’ll comfortably sleep three, and with a bit more squeezing it’ll house up to five of you. Inside you also get a fridge and kettle, plus there’s also a separate communal kitchen for you to knock some grub up in. The separate toilets and showers are first rate and there’s even an onsite shop and Wi-Fi.

Wigwam Holidays actually have 50 of these wigwam sites dotted throughout the country and a whole load of them are close to other great riding spots. To back up their bike friendly credentials they’ve even started up their own Wigwam Racing team which currently consists of three Scottish DH rippers.

So, how do you win two nights in one of these for up to five people at Glentress? Simple. Just tell us a wigwam/camping/holiday/somehow related joke and our favourite will win.

And if you don’t win but are still interested in some great value accommodation for your next bike trip then check out www.wigwamholidays.com for full details.

Oh, and we reckon listing to this should be compulsory during any wigwam stay…

  1. Mike B

    A guy went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam, then I’m a teepee, and then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?”

    The doctor replied, “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”

  2. dan b

    Did you hear about the fire at the campsite? It was intense.

  3. Ste M

    I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

  4. jamie94

    What do native american tribespeople do then they’ve had cup of earl grey too many? Have a teapee

  5. SamG169

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

    ‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.’

    Watson replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’

    ‘What does that tell you?’

    Watson ponders for a minute.’ Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

    Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. ‘Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.’

  6. Alan

    A little Red Indian boy is sitting with his dad in their Wigwam, and says “Dad, how did I get my name?”
    “Well son,” his dad replies,”When children our born into our tribe, the Big Chief sticks his head out of his wigwam, and names the child after the first thing he sees, like a passing cloud, or a running buffalo. But why do you ask, Two Dogs Humping?”

    Ba-dum, TISH!

  7. Rick Ramirez

    What does the female mushroom tell the male mushroom? You’re a fungi.

  8. Nic

    I can’t think of a joke right now because I really need teepee.

  9. Wheelerman

    These guys wish they had stayed in a wig wam…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLv7YKlBWjk

    Wonder if they ever managed to pitch it. Trippin balls!

  10. Mitch

    I got arrested one night while camping.

    The policeman said I was loitering within tent.

  11. mr david j mead

    One day a man lying out on the beach gets so badly sunburned that he has to go to the hospital.
    Doc you got to help me says the man it hurts like hell when anything touches my body .OK says the doc i’m going to give you some skin cream and a prescription for viagra.What’s the Viagra for says the man it will keep the sheets of your legs.

  12. God of Love

    While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard.

    “Sand,” said the cyclist.

    “Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard.

    The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

    Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

    A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. “Say friend, you sure had us crazy”, said the guard. “We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won’t say a word – but what is it you were smuggling?”

    “Bicycles!”

  13. darren offof wales

    A man was in a teepee.. on holiday when his friend asked him a question. What’s brown and sticky? A stick (in a teepee wooden shed thing)

  14. McGroo

    Two couples decided to hire a campervan and go away for the weekend. Having drawn the short straws the guys had to sleep in the awning. In the middle of the night one of them wakes with the biggest hard-on of his life and shouts out loud “Jesus, I’ve got to go and shag the wife right now!” His equally shocked mate woke and asked if he should come along too? “Why on earth would you want to come along?” asked the first guy. “Because that’s my dick your holding!” came the reply!

  15. Rob C

    I hate camping. Last time I tried I was woken at 4AM by the police and arrested for loitering within tent.

  16. Mick Chapman

    In case anyone is considering doing some camping this spring or summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.

  17. Seth

    A crab enters the wigwam, and the manager comes over telling the crab to leave straight away,
    the crab is all like “woahhh what have i done wrong”,
    the manager states ” because you came in here, giving it all that” *while performing pincer movements/ also associated with chattin shite.*

  18. Down n Dirty

    The Lone Ranger’s Last Request

    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

    The Indian Chief proclaims,

    “So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger… In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days.”

    “Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???”

    The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

    The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

    The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???”

    The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

    Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

    She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

    The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request???”

    The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse. Alone.” The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent.

    Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says,

    “Listen Very Carefully!!!! FOR… THE… LAST… TIME… I SAID…’ BRING POSSE’”

  19. PaulC

    My mathematician friend used to always get constipation when camping.

    It all solved now thou, he worked it out with a pencil.

  20. Oliver

    Two Canadian hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read “BEAR LEFT” so they went home.

  21. Oldnshit

    What’s the difference between a 29 inch wheel and a Wigwam?

    One is circular, weird looking, a great place to smoke a pipe, makes cowboys nervous….and the other is a tent!

  22. Martinv77

    Chuck Norris’ lunch was stolen during a camping trip. No one has seen Big Foot ever since.

  23. antlees

    Last time i went camping my dog went missing,what a nightmare i think it went off chasing rabbits in the woods,my wife ,kids an me looked all day for the mut,kids where crying there eyes out.
    Next morning we had one more look as kids where distraught and it was a 60 mile journey home,could’nt find it.
    Tears all the journey home what a nightmare.
    We pulled into our street and arrived at our house and what was there waiting on our doorstep!
    12 pints of milk! I had forgotten to leave milkman a message saying we where away for the weekend!

  24. Paddy

    A creative writing student was dismayed to get his short story back with a C grade in red across the top. He met with the teacher after class for an explanation.

    “It was really a quite well written story about nomadic tribes in ancient wigwams in America,” said the teacher.

    “So what was wrong with it?”

    “Didn’t you read the assignment? You were supposed to use the present tense.”

  25. gerry easton

    Just bought a new Wigwam , the wife says it looks just like one of our older Wigwams.

    I agree , its very similar to a certain ex Tent

  26. Linda

    A man walked up to me and said ‘I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam’
    I said ‘relax, you’re two tents’.

  27. Parker Langeveld

    Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

    Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie’s schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

    They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event – hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the
    meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

    About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, “I can’t make the supper. I can’t light a fire with the matches you brought.”

    Sally replied, “I don’t understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left.”

  28. Chad Langeveld

    (Natural Consequences)

    When you need to stoke your fire at 2:00 am and need kindling, ask the late night serenading teenager for his guitar.

  29. Isaac Langeveld

    The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin…”Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.

    We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

    It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.

    Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper.”

  30. Karen Slattery

    Safe to swim here?

    While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?!” “Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!” “Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?” “We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ‘em.”

  31. optimus doddsy

    The only funny reference to ” Teepee” I could think of……..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HilVFpvzuBM

    Enjoy……lol

  32. Amy

    A man goes to the doctors worried about the two alternating dreams he keeps having – one night he’ll be a wigwam, the next he’s a teepee. The doctor puts him at ease and tells him “You’re just two tents”.

  33. Rachel Dann

    Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read ‘BEAR LEFT’ so they went home!

  34. Brian Johnston

    There is an apocryphal camping shop in the UK that ran a promotion during the low season whose strapline was…

    … wait for it

    .. “Now is the winter of our discount tent”

  35. Denise Walker

    hy did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
    To keep his wigwam

    …………dont hate me, it made me laugh and my tea tastes of pee !!! lol

  36. Nancy Bradford

    I went camping for the first time. Sat around the campfire and drank 400 cups of Tetley. I woke up in my tee-pee.

  37. Christina Rahman

    What did the doctor say to the guy who thought he was a wigwam one day and a tepee the next?

    You are just to tense !

  38. Jo Bryan

    An Indian named Chief Bowels lived in a wigwam on the reservation. One day he received a letter from the state division of highways that said that they were going to build a road and it would go right through where his wigwam was located and he would have to move.

    He was very upset about this because his ancestors had lived in that exact place for many generations.

    He decided to go into town to talk to someone and get them to change the route of the road.

    He arrived in town but didn’t know where to go so he asked someone for directions to the local office of the highway department. He was told to go three blocks straight ahead then turn left for two blocks and it would be on the right.

    He went three blocks straight ahead then turned right and went into the building on the left. It was a drugstore.

    The druggist asked him if he could help him and the Indian replied. “Bowels no move!”

    “Oh,” said the druggist. That’s no problem. Take this twice a day for a week.” he said, as he gave the Indian a bottle of medicine.

    The Indian left and one week later the he returned. “Hello,” said the druggist. “Did that medicine work?”

    “Bowels still no move!” said the Indian.

    “Well, well,” said the druggist. “It appears that we will have to use something a little stronger. Take this four times a day for a week.”

    The Indian left and one week later he returned. “Hello again,” said the druggist. “How are you doing?”

    “Bowels still no move!” said the Indian.

    “Oh my goodness!” said the druggist. “This really calls for something drastic. This is the most powerful treatment in existance. Take it eight times a day for a week.”

    The Indian left and one week later he returned. When the druggist saw him he asked, “bowels move?”

    “Bowels have to move” said the Indian. “Wigwam full of shit.”

  39. Pieter De Backer

    One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks: “Miss can I please sleep with you tonight?”
    His teacher replies: “NO!”
    Johnny moans and says: “But my mummy lets me.”
    “OK then, just for tonight.”, the teacher replies.
    Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks “Miss, can I please play with your belly button with my finger?”
    She again says: “NO!”
    “But my mummy lets me.”, says Johnny again.
    “Well I suppose it’s OK.”, replies the teacher.
    Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming: “THAT’S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON!”
    Little Johnny replies: “It ain’t my finger either!”

  40. Jennifer

    One tent to the other-” Who did you vote for”
    “Not telling, are you an mp?”
    “No I’m only canvasing”

  41. David Jordan

    I’ve just come back from hitch hiking around America.
    I’m very disappointed.
    Apparently ”bum a ride” doesnt mean what I thought it did.

  42. Pauline

    Why did the Boy Scout tiptoe past his tent?

    He didn’t want to wake up the sleeping bags.

  43. Mark Donald

    Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

    If they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels!

  44. L Smith

    Two girls were camping in the bush. The mosquitoes were so bad, they decided to pack up camp and move to a new site. But they decided to do this in the dark, so the mosquitoes would not know where they had gone.

    They stumbled around in the dark, striking the tent by feel and then groping the way through the thick scrub. Somehow they manage to re-pitch their tent in complete darkness and, finally, fell inside exhausted.

    Whereupon a firefly came through the tent flap.

    “It’s no use,” moaned one of them, thery’re looking for us with hurricane lamps!”

  45. Ramsey Mcvicker

    Its not really a joke but when ever we used to go on lads holidays one of my mates refered to it as a Bust Mans Holiday because he spent the entire time oogling topless women on the beach.

  46. Bob clark

    On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ – I thought, ‘What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?’

  47. JOAN WALSH

    The Scoutmaster and his son went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the son said, “Dad, look up into the sky and tell me what you see”.
    His Scoutmaster father responded, “I see millions and millions of stars”.
    Son: “And what does that tell you?”
    Scoutmaster Dad: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, son?”
    Son: “It tells me you forgot to pack the tent again”

  48. Jennifer Guertin

    Two hunters are out camping in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

    The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. “My friend is dead! What should I do?”

    The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

    There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.

    Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

  49. Oli

    Where do Indians stay when they’re on the road?
    A central reservation.

    Try the fish folks, I’m here all week.

  50. SARAH ARNETT

    Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, “Watson, look up. What do you see? “Well, I see thousands of stars.” “And what does that mean to you?” “Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?” “To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.”

  51. Tracy K Nixon

    Never trust Indian Parents!

    Divorcing after 45 years an elderly Indian man in Leicester calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough!”

    “Pop, what are you talking about?” The son screams.

    “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her!”

    Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”

    She calls Leicester immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing,DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

    The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

    “Okay”, he says, “They’re coming for Diwali and paying their own travel fare.” !!!!!

  52. Iain riddle

    Two rednecks were on a hunting holiday and were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read “BEAR LEFT” so they went home

  53. Tracey Quinn

    1. A family is camping in the woods when a brown bear walks up to their family tent.
    Before the family can run screaming away, the bear says something. He says, “Hello, how is it going? Do you have any…………….honey?”
    The father says, “I’m sorry but we don’t. But, what was with the large pause?”
    The bear looks down at his paws and says, “I don’t know, I just have always had them.”

  54. katrina walsh

    A man traveling through the prairies of America stops on the outskirts of a
    small town and is invited to join some Native Americans in their wigwams for dinner. He sits down, takes a sip of his
    drink, and happily lit up a cigar.
    As he sipped his drink, he sat there quietly blowing smoke
    rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an
    angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, “One more
    remark like that and I’ll smash your face in!”

  55. Annie J

    How many campers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    None, they screw in sleeping bags :)

  56. Olivia B

    Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?

    To keep his wigwam

  57. Clare F

    A piece of motorway and piece of dual carriage way are enjoying a drink in the pub. In walks a piece of red tarmac. The bit of motorway whispers to the bit of carrageway “Come on lets drink up and go before the trouble starts
    He’s a bit of a cyclepath!”

  58. Dan

    A spectator stepped on the track without looking one day and promptly gets knocked flat by some guy on his bike.

    “You were really lucky there,” said the guy.

    “What on earth are you talking about! That really hurt!” said the spectator, still on the floor, rubbing his head.

    “Well, usually on weekends I drive a bus!” the guy replied.

  59. kellie g

    I’m planning a camping holiday but, I have to say, I’m far from impressed with my travel insurance. It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night, I’ll no longer be covered.

  60. jill

    A guy went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam, then I’m a teepee, and then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?”

    The doctor replied, “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”

  61. Allan Birkinshaw

    Win a Wigwam break joke competition entry:

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto were in the Mojave Desert, and as night fell set up their tent to camp for the night, falling into a dep sleep. Tonto suddenly awoke and shok Lone Ranger, saying “Kemosabe, wake up. Look up at the sky and tell me what you see”.
    Lone Ranger opens his eyes, sits up and says, “Well, Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and perhaps billions of planets out there.
    Astrologically speaking it tells me that Venus is in Cancer.
    Theologically it is evidence that the Lord is all powerful, and we are small and insignificant.
    Time wise it appears to be about half past four am, and Meteorologically it woud seem that we are about to have a clear, sunny day tomorrow.
    Why Tonto, what does it ell you?”
    Tonto answersd: “You stupid Kimosabe! It tells me….SOMEONE STOLEN OUR TENT!!!!!”

  62. CARRIE HUMPHRIES

    A man goes on holiday to a tropical island.

    As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming.
    As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on.
    The native casts about nervously and says “very bad when drumming stops.”

    Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop.
    The native looks at him terrified. “Very bad when drumming stops,” he says, and hurries off.

    After a couple of days with constant drumming and very little sleep, the man had had enough.
    He grabbed the first native he saw, slams him up against a tree, and shouts, “What happens when the drumming stops?!”

    The native replied, “Bass solo.”

  63. Heather Simpson

    Why did the Indian Chief wear so many feathers?
    To keep his wigwam

  64. Sarah Mills

    One morning, a father and his young son were in the forest hunting rabbits. After about an hour, they finally came across some rabbit tracks. In between the tracks, there were these little round brown pellets, and the son said to his father, “Dad, what are those?”

    The father replied, “Those are smart pills. Try a couple.” So the kid grabbed a couple of them and put them in his mouth. The boy made a funny face and said to his dad, “Ewww! Yuk! They taste like crap.”

    The father replied, “See, you’re getting smarter already.”

  65. jennie jackson

    Knock Knock!
    Who’s There?
    Wigwam
    Wigwam who?
    Wigwam your head when it’s cold

  66. Helen

    Why did the clam work out?
    To get mussels

  67. Giggs' Wingman

    Whats the useless bit of skin around a vagina called?

    ……………………… A woman!

  68. Hayley Turner

    Wanna Go Camping?

    (0)

    A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
    walked up to him and asked, “If you woke up
    in the woods and scratched your butt
    and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?”

    “Hell no!” the guy said.

    The stranger then asked, “If you felt further into your
    crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?”

    The man said, “Of course not.”

    “Wanna go camping?”

  69. charlotte riggio

    wigwmas are cute

  70. Rob Peters

    In case anyone is considering doing some camping this spring or summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.

  71. Chris Biven

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see”.

    Watson said: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars”.

    Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

    Watson pondered for a moment: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”

    “Why? – What does it tell you, Holmes?”

    Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: “Someone has stolen our tent.”

  72. sue cobley

    Whilst camping this year I’ve had to report a strange round yellow bright UFO giving off a warm glow but dont worry it was only momentarily spotted !

  73. josh McHenry

    A priest went into the jungle to teach a tribe about civilization and the bible. On his last day he had remembered that he forgot to teach them english, so he took the chief on walk through the jungle pointing things out and telling him them in english. He points at a tree and tells him “Tree” then a frog “Frog” and then on. Later they hear some noises and go and inspect to find a man and women having sex. The priest says to the chief “riding a bike” the Chief suddenly goes mental and kill the man having sex with the woman and says to the priest……….”My Bike!!!”

  74. Gig

    I’m planning a camping holiday but, I have to say, I’m far from impressed with my travel insurance. It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night, I’ll no longer be covered.

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